Sunita

So it's farewell Sunita.
You were the quiet and shy one
Who never looked comfortable
You were a trainee barrister which means that one day you'll earn
A lot of money.
If I am to be honest, you never really had a chance of winning
And I think Eric only put a fiver on you
Because he likes girls with pert bosoms
And good teeth.

Lynne

Ta-ta Lynne.
You were Scottish, so couldn't win
But if you'd boxed clever you could have hung on a few weeks
But you were as lazy as Spencer but without the looks
And you were boring
For what it's worth the viewers voted for Jade
But she had better breasts and was more easily manipulated
So you didn't stand a chance
If you're ever down this way and desperate
Eric says he'd give you one.

Alison

Adidas Alison.
You were the big, black, cheerful one
You were nominated because the plotters felt threatened by you
Because they couldn't be sure you'd be on their side
And the non-plotters didn't want to shag you
Eric says you remind him of Stella
That girl I met at the Romsey Show last summer
Who won third place in the mud-wrestling contest
And who I took to Christchurch on the bus
And copped a sneaky feel
But who dumped me for that freckly guy
With the itchy bum.

Sandy

It's goodbye to Sandy.
It's good riddance as well
You were the chief schemer who stirred things up
But never backed your co-conspirators up.
You looked funny running round the pool in the morning
And we never got to see you at night
Eric thought you'd make the last three along with
Kate, Lee and Sunita.
But Eric never did know jack shit.
It means if they dump Lee on Friday the
Ethnic cleansing from the English whites will be complete.
(Except for Adele who is easy to forget because she's boring).

Lee

It's catch you on the surf Lee
You were big and hard
And you missed your rumpy-pumpy.
Eric says he knows how you feel on that score mate
And he's not even locked away in the Big Brother house.
He's just gawky looking
And no girls will have him
Not even Florence
Or that girl from Newbury who showed them to me and Fred Watts
For 50p.
I hope you get your muscle definition back soon
And your girlfriend is glad to see you home.

Spencer

So it's goodnight, sweet dreams Spencer
You were the red-hot favourite to win
Even though you never washed, slept all day and smoked fags.
I bet Eric a sandwich you'd be the winner
And that Alex was a goner
I said this in front of a girl I fancy
Now I look a right prat!
And it's all your fault.
I'm glad you got what was coming to you
And got voted off.